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That only acknowledges that, in this scenario, the only question that matters is whether he has the potential to be a good husband and father for YOUR family.“Connection” is hard to measure, but it’s a real thing that matters a LOT.Your connection is what will sustain you through financial hardship, bring you joy when you’re tired with a toddler, and buoy you when your sex life starts to dwindle.I’ve done it before, but the truth is, your question isn’t really about politics.It’s about compatibility and the definition of settling.It’s not my place to tell you if you’re settling, only to hold up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly.So, Jan, what would you say to a friend who told you this about her boyfriend?He’s much less educated than I am but that doesn’t bother me in the least as he’s a hard worker with his own personal goals in life.He and I argue frequently about social issues (he’s insensitive and I’m sensitive, he’s conservative, I’m liberal).
A life of quiet desperation is the phrase which comes to mind. And I might have missed my chance to have children because I turned down men whom I couldn’t connect to.I respect his views are different than mine and he does the same, but we never seem to be on the same page.I think I might want children someday and, given I’ll be 34 in a few months, it seems I have a choice to either go all in and make things work with this great guy (who may not be that great for me but would be an amazing father) jump ship, knowing it might mean never having children, or meeting a man who I “click” with but who lacks my current partner’s many admirable qualities.What is your advice for women my age who feel the pressure to choose between love and the chance to have children?
It’s a taboo subject, I know, but I think it’s a real dilemma that women have faced throughout time and I feel the same pressure now. I’m not going to touch the politics of your question.
Hell, I left my ex-husband who had absolutely everything going for him and was a great husband to boot, because I honestly felt desperately lonely in my marriage. He wanted to start trying for a family and I knew I could never tie myself for life to someone I couldn’t really connect with. Luckily for me, motherhood was never as important to me as it is to some women, so I didn’t have too many regrets.